Our coaching staff promotes a holistic and spiritual approach to sex and sensuality. We believe that sex is not merely
an event or a task to be done as a matter of course. The bonding it presents, in its truest form, is the essence
of a lasting commitment.
Sexual needs are a major part of our basic essentials package and can not be ignored or merely accepted as is. Settling
for whatever is offered usually warrants a discontented mate and cheating. Neither of those results is an acceptable alternative
to designing a lasting plan and getting what you really want.
We offer expert coaching for singles and couples who may be experiencing difficulties in this area of their relationships,
as well as those who would like to spice up there sex life.
|How Important is Sex in a Relationship?
Sex is a natural, undeniable force in our lives. It is the essence of our being and holds enough authority to determine our daily
life experiences and the person we ultimately become. Our sexual energies affect every aspect of life. Hormone levels,
chemistry, personality and mood are touched by its energies, so too is our spiritual essence. Sexual issues can exalt or dissolve
feelings of love and too often disrupts relationship commitments and marriages. Sex concerns play a major role in the high rate of
divorce and are the cause for most all incidences of cheating. That makes a clear statement of the impact it has in our overall
compatibility and its level of importance.
With the divorce rate and relationship failures rising above 50%, one would have to consider the role sex plays in those percentages.
It would appear that a great number of people are dissatisfied with their sex lives. It would be wise to give serious thought to this aspect of
our relationships and question the cause for such a high rate of failure. Do today’s fast-paced lifestyles affect our decisions regarding
a partner or our sexual needs? Are our relationship choices based in lusty infatuation, driven by transient emotions? Do we suffer from
a lack of proper relationship planning? Or are we simply meant to play out our sexual roles for a fleeting ‘moment’ and catch the
next spiritual connection as it finds us?
Successful relationship ventures require open and honest discussion and planning for healthy, satisfying sexual experiences.
Sexual compatibility contributes to the overall health and well-being of the relationship itself. In the beginning of a relationship,
couples discuss all aspects of life to determine compatibility and make decisions about the future. They talk openly about their
political views, spiritual and moral beliefs, address needs and desires and share their dreams and aspirations. Discussions
regarding needs, planning for growth issues, the effects of outside influences and potential stressors are vital to relationship
success. Sex too has a place as a main consideration.
Our sexual needs are viable and any verbal or written agreements involving a relationship commitment should include a
parley and alliance regarding sex and our needs in that regard. The subject of sex must play a critical role in the negotiations
process to ensure long-term compatibility and fulfillment. Maybe an appropriate solution for a lack of attention to our most
basic of needs, would involve consequences to promote its importance and relevance. A partner who fails to meet the
addressed needs would create a breach of the marriage vows or commitment agreement, leaving a standing order for an
‘out clause’. Something is obviously missing and perhaps major consequences would assist in promoting the
importance of sex in the planning process.
Sex is not merely an event or a task we do as a matter of course. The bonding it presents, in its truest form,
is the essence of a lasting commitment. When sex is ‘just sex', the chances for long-term happiness and
contentment diminish greatly. Therefore, it is important that this subject be thoroughly addressed and agreement reached
before any actual commitment takes place. Designing a plan in accordance with a mutually agreed upon checklist of needs,
wants and desires is a good standard practice. Needs cannot be ignored and will eventually become deal breakers.
Even addressing the simple things and including the ‘what if’s’, is important. What happens if either partner feels
the sex has become boring? How do you tell your partner it is not enough for you? What would you say to your partner
if there were voids that need to be filled? Settling for whatever is offered usually warrants a discontented mate and cheating.
Neither of those end results is an acceptable alternative to designing a lasting plan and getting what you really want.
All relationships require honesty and commitment in planning for success. It is wise to be open and sincere with
yourself and your partner about your sexual needs. It is also important to be honest about your capabilities to meet the
needs of your partner. If your partner has cravings for oral sex and you find it disgusting, he/she needs to be aware of that in
the beginning. Saying yes to things you know you hate and cannot offer, would ultimately lead to a discontented partner
and result in cheating. Misrepresenting the facts or hiding your true sexual needs and desires will only prolong the inevitable
failure of the relationship.
Many couples say that sex is not that important. Love is the main component and holds the greatest influence.
Those sentiments sound wonderfully romantic and fabulously courageous, but their needs aren’t going to go away because
the partners want to appear heroic. The lack of fulfillment will eventually have an impact on the attitude and desire to
participate. It will become a breeding ground for disagreements and promote the search for another partner, who will
eagerly meet those needs. Sex is an issue! It holds great importance! That is our reality.
The greatest aspect of our sexuality comes with the ability to share ourselves, our feelings and love. The ability to show
love and your partner feel that love, through the exchange of sexual energies, is an extraordinary feat, which we relate to magic.
The transfer of those positive feelings helps the bonding process, creates desire and cravings for more and promotes
an Empathic connection. That connection allows us to feel our partner even when apart. The transfer of positive sexual energies
and the show of feeling are what give sex its importance in our relationships.
Positive and negative energies are transferred from one partner to another during sex. If there are negative energies
passed on, it benefits no one. Those negatives are transmitted, as a virus with each subsequent sexual encounter. Your
partner can feel those negative vibrations and will take an unfavorable impression away from the experience.
That will leave a lack of interest in a repeat. It is vital to any sexual relationship to keep the positive energies flowing.
Those seeking a strictly sexual relationship or who have their needs met through friends with benefits, do
not carry the same commitment issues as those in a typical relationship. However, they do carry the same responsibilities
regarding sex. They also owe it to themselves to follow the same guidelines for honesty and openness regarding their needs.
What’s the point if it becomes an act of momentary self-gratification? No matter the partner or the type of relationship,
the sexual experiences should count. They should be memorable happenings, spiritual awakenings
and not just sex events.
The sex shared does not have to be a traditional lovemaking event to maintain its level of importance. Your
sexual experiences can be altered, modified, an adventure in self pleasure or sex deemed outside the box, and there
can be compromise. Sexual energies will still be present and moved. Those sexual energies will bring every positive that
traditional sex has to offer and can present the same negative affect if all of the elements are not satisfied.
There are more than the traditional methods for calling up sexual energy and many more ways to flourish in its
light. Enhancements can be found in Tantric and Taoist sexualities or found in the ancient writings of the Kama Sutra.
Standing away from the traditional is not an evil. Relationships can suffer in the traditions and may need a more
spiritual calling. Adding flair and spice works to your advantage in any case. Knowing what is needed can save a fallen
relationship. Look past the obvious for solutions to sexual ‘issues’. Maybe something as simple as a change in roles would
answer the call. Take sex out of the box, allow your soul to touch it and feel the magic it presents. Sex is the connector and
can meld us with the energies of the Universe; it holds great power.
Sex is an integral part of the human experience and cannot be ignored or taken lightly. It holds great significance in
our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. The importance of sex in our relationships is obvious and undeniable.
Without a strong and satisfying sexual component, the partners suffer great loss. Sex holds great healing and bonding
powers and does affect every aspect of life. It quiets the mind, nourishes the soul,
allows the spirit to soar and brings life to the body. Sex is relevant and relative and a critical component of any relationship
where sexual energies are shared. It can be, and most often is, a determinate factor in its endurance.
|Judy Spain Barton
Author * Relationship & Intimacy Coach